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Pearls of wisdom in really cute shoes

Thursday, May 16, 2013

"Look like something when you go someplace."

The title above refers to one of my late father's many pearls of wisdom, and it would always make my brothers and I scratch our heads.  What did he mean by that?  He said it a lot.  A. lot.

When I got older, I came to understand that it was Pop's way of saying, "You look like a bum. Go change your clothes if you're leaving the house."  If Pop thought that my outfit was inappropriate for my age, he'd say so.  I hated that.  (What 14 year old wouldn't?)  But he knew what he was talking about.  He wanted me to be presentable in public because first impressions are difficult to change.  Presenting an accurate message about who you are is important. 

First impressions are lasting impressions. 


To prove my point, after doing empirical research about the power of what we wear and how others judge us, Prof. Karen Pine and colleagues conclude, "Clothes say a great deal about who we are and can signal our social status to others...People are judged on their overall head-to-toe appearance, and the fundamental role that [clothing] style plays in creating a positive first-impression cannot be underestimated." 

Amy Trowbridge agrees:  "Because of the symbolic nature of clothing, it is the message of the clothing that is reacted to rather than the actual clothing object."

What are her credentials?
Example:  I am bothered by the amount of cleavage I see every day at work.  Too many to count, but they're everywhere.  In my classroom, my office, the cafeteria, at committee meetings.  Thin little shirts cut down-to-there, sometimes with a camisole that does little to hide the decolletage.  It's pretty hard to miss and is quite distracting.  I often wonder if these young women believe that intentionally exposing themselves in this way is conveying an accurate portrayal of how they would like to be thought of, respected and treated.

I try not to judge how people dress.  Really I do.  I'm a staunch believer in self-expression.  But when did it become okay to show everything you've got in a public place?  What does choice of attire say about the woman who's wearing a low-cut shirt to campus or work?  Will she be taken seriously?  Is she conveying her exceptional math and science skills, critical analysis capabilities, or exemplary verbal and cognitive skills to win a debate when she's showing off the "girls?" 

Umm, probably not.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm grateful to live in a country where women can wear anything they please, but I also understand that there are acceptable standards of clothing in every social environment.  [Think evening gown to an elegant event, and not to the market.]  Heck, I sometimes wear low-cut shirts with a cami for color myself...but not to work or in any other professional capacity.  There's a time and place for what we wear.

In a perfect world, all women would celebrate and show off their confidence, intelligence and self-respect...and not "the girls."

Save the cleavage for clubbing and hanging out with friends.  It has no place on a college campus or work environment.  (Starting to sound like my mother.  Yikes.)

And when I am next confronted with yet another pair of breastisiz, I promise to bite my tongue and refrain from saying, "Look like something when you go someplace."

(c) 2013 Robyn M. Posson.  All Rights Reserved.

A league of your own


Tal Bachman

Let's get one thing straight. There is no such thing as being "out of someone's league."

If you believe in this imaginary hierarchy, then your own insecurities make you a not-so-great romantic prospect. Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing thought Baby was too good for him. Tal Bachman (above) sings about it.

No one wants to be around insecure people--except for other people who are equally or more insecure than you. Period.

Insecure people have insecure, unstable relationships. And taking a "let's wait and see" attitude will most likely lead to a missed opportunity to meet someone wonderful.

On the other hand, if you know you have some great qualities that a love-partner would appreciate, then pull up your Big Girl Panties or Big Boy Boxers and get crackin'.

If you’ve been crushing on someone lately, grow a backbone and strike up a conversation. For all you know, they consider you out of their league and are waiting for you to make the first move.

And if the worst thing that could happen is you being awkwardly friend-zoned or being shot down, I’d say it’s worth the risk. You gotta be in it to win it.

You are in league of your own. Find someone who wants to be in it with you.

(c)2013 Robyn M. Posson All Rights Reserved.