Restoring my faith

I stopped into a local Walmart yesterday afternoon to make a return.  There was a rather long line, and it took about 20 minutes.  As I approached my car in the parking lot, I noticed that someone had hit the driver's-side front quarter panel, bending it, leaving streaks of white and gouges with black paint in them.

Looks just like Trixie before her boo-boo.

Trixie (yes, I've named my car...she's a girly-girl with long black eyelashes) is the first car I ever bought outright with cash.  She's in immaculate shape, has low mileage (as far as Hondas are concerned), and I'm so proud to drive her around town.  She's a symbol of a wonderful and prosperous chapter of my life.

At first, my heart sank.   I looked on the windshield to see if the culprit had left me a note, but there was nothing there.  I took some pictures of the damage since the light was good.  I felt like I would cry. 

Why didn't that person who did the damage leave information and an apology...or come into the store to have me paged so we could exchange information?  That's what I would do.  I entertained thoughts of waivering faith in the goodness of the average person...if someone could hit my car and drive away with their conscience intact, then I'm living in a pretty sad world.

My sadness quickly morphed into annoyance and anger.  I approached the front-end supervisor and asked to speak to the head of Security or store manager, so we could at least look at the parking lot videos to see if we could come up with some kind of lead.  Her eyes lit up and said, "Is your car a silver Honda with eyelashes?  Two people witnessed your car being hit.  One of them yelled for the female driver to stop while the other wrote down the license plates and color of the car."

I couldn't believe my ears.  This kind of stuff never happens to me.  I'm usually the one being a responsible citizen.

The local police responded immediately.  The officer was polite, respectful and kind, and assured me that the other driver would be liable for the damages, which he estimated to be over $1000.  He invited me to stop at the station this morning to pick up the completed accident report.

According to the report, the 21-year-old daughter of the insured had been driving and considerable damage had been done to the entire right side of her father's car. She was ticketed for driving outside of a lane and leaving the scene of a property damage accident.  I hope these tickets (and consequences from her parents) will teach this young woman about proper social and personal responsibility.

The good citizens who got that vital information didn't leave their names or phone numbers.  I wish they had.  I would thank them profusely to affirm that they had done the right thing.  I'd even offer to take them to dinner.  I really appreciate that they didn't turn their cheek and chose to get involved.  I'd guess they would want someone to do that for them if the shoe was on the other foot.

Mostly, I'm grateful to them for reminding me that there really are good people in the world, and specifically in my neck of the woods.  If you're reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Trixie thanks you, too.

No Regrets.

Regret is a vicious and useless emotion.  It robs us of the ability to celebrate what’s going well today by keeping us stuck in a pattern of “woulda-coulda-shoulda.”  Ever heard the expression, “Hindsight is 20-20?”  That’s when we look back and re-evaluate at the decisions made in the past using the clarity, wisdom, maturity, and experience we have today.  It’s an unfair comparison which keeps us from becoming the best version of ourselves.

Here are five tips to prevent you from going down the slippery slope of regrets.  The suggestions are part of a process that will take some time to wrap your mind around, but the outcome will be well worth the efforts you make to improve how you view your past and how it has positively influenced your present life.

1. Forgive yourself for the decisions made and actions taken.  Tell yourself that you made the best decision possible given the information you had at the time.  You had no way of knowing what the future would hold, and you still don’t have that power.  Lighten up on your past self and think of these experiences as what has molded your present life. 
2. Think about those decisions and actions as learning opportunities.  Did you learn anything from them?  Of course, you did, because if you hadn’t gotten anything from the mistakes you made, you wouldn’t be able to look back with regret.  Remember that the only times we learn is when we fail.  Experience is our ally, not our enemy.   
3. If you don’t like where you’re at today because of past mistakes, focus your energy on that.   Think about the life lessons gained from your younger self.  You can’t change what’s already happened.  You can change what you do from here on.
4. Regrets about other people’s actions have no place in your vocabulary or your mind.  Why?  Because the only person who can decide how your life will move forward (or not) is you and only you.
5. Today is the day where you can choose to live regret-free.  Be conscious of your thought patterns, and when you hear those old negative thoughts pop up, challenge them with what you’re doing well today instead.

 Regrets are a waste of your precious time and energy.  Start working on making your life the best it can absolutely become.

Are you committed to living a regret-free life?

The Men Who Won't Marry You...Part One

I just love Samantha Daniels.  She's a professional matchmaker, and she has a lot of great dating advice on her Huffington Post column.  I read her blog entries regularly.  She makes a lot of sense.

One of her columns is titled, "10 Types of Men Who Won't Marry You."  That certainly caught my eye.  Here are the first five categories she recommends you steer clear of; my comments are in italics. 

1.  Mr. "Still Hung Up On His Ex": We have all been out with this guy. He says he is over his ex, yet at every turn, he talks about her and compares you to her. Please. He is not over her and until he is over her, he is not marrying you. 

Robyn:  Samantha's right.  If he's bad-mouthing her, then you can be certain that you would eventually be spoken about in that same disrespectful manner.  Trust me on this one.  Been there, done that.

2.  Mr. "I Am Not Ready For A Serious Relationship Right Now": This is the guy who dates a lot and then when he gets too close or decides he isn't interested in you, he uses the excuse that he's not ready. The question about this guy is this: Is he really not ready, or is that just a convenient excuse to dump you and avoid the commitment? 

Robyn:  I believe it's both.

3.  Mr. "Bigger Better Deal": You know this guy. He is the one who likes you a lot but is always wondering if there is a better version of you out there, somewhere in the universe. Honestly, do you need to be with the guy who is never going to think that you are good enough to marry? 

Robyn:  My question is, is HE good enough to marry?  I think not.

4.  Mr. "I Hang Out With Guys 15 Years My Junior": This is the guy who is 47 and a CEO of a company or a big-time executive and all of his contemporaries are married, so his BFFs are 25-year-olds and clubbing it. He is out until 3:00 a.m. several nights a week, looking to pick up and then he kids himself into thinking that when a 25-year-old girl says yes to a date with him, it's because he is such a good guy, not because she is dreaming of flying private. 

Robyn:  This is a huge red flag for me...if he can best relate to clubbing 25-year-olds, then he is emotionally 25 as well.  He feels so badly about himself that he has to pretend he's hipper and younger than his chronological age.  Bottom line?  Men worth marrying don't go to clubs to pick up young chippies.

5.  Mr. "Still Trying To Figure Out His Career": If he is 40-plus and having a midlife work crisis, believe me, he is not going to marry you. Men need to be settled in their careers or at least know which direction they are headed on the career front before they can settle down. 

Robyn:  I totally agree.  While women create their identities with the relationships they have, men define themselves by what they do and how much they make.  Until a man has that down pat, marriage is the farthest thing from his mind.

Have you ever dated men like these?

(c) 2013 Robyn M. Posson

The Men Who Won't Marry You: Part Deux

6.  Mr. "50-Something And Never Been Married": This guy is lurking everywhere. He is 50-plus and never married, yet he will swear to you that he is ready. When you ask him why he is still single, he will tell you it's because he hasn't met the right one. Then the question becomes that if he hasn't found her in the hundreds of women he has dated before you, what is going to make you so special that you are going to be his one? Probably nothing.  

Robyn:  Amen, Samantha!  In addition, I would question what's amiss with HIM that has made numerous women run for the hills?

7.  Mr. "Doesn't Believe In Monogamy": This guy thinks he is very avant-garde progressive, but most people will say he is just looking for an excuse to cheat. Do you really want to be with a guy who tells you upfront that he won't be faithful? 

Robyn:  I say HELL no.  You're much too fabulous to have share this little boy.

8.  Mr. "All About Me": This guy is all about himself, 24/7, 365 days a year. Sharing your life with someone is hard enough, so do you really want to sign up to be with someone who is so into himself that they will never even notice you, your wants and your desires? 

Robyn:  A guy who focuses only on himself is an insecure man.  In order to make himself feel better about what's lacking within him, he puts on a facade to pretend he's "God's gift."  You do NOT want an insecure, self-absorbed partner.

9.  Mr. "My Kids Are The Only Thing I Care About": This guy is a tricky one. When you first meet him, he is endearing because you admire how dedicated he is to his children. You think to yourself that you would like to be with a man who is that responsible. However, then you start to see that he doesn't have any room for you at all because he is only about the kids. If you are going to be with a man with kids, he needs to want to find a place for you, front and center, in his life at least some of the time.  

Robyn:  Sorry, Samantha, I disagree with you on this one.  A man who really wants a healthy relationship with a woman will find more time to be with her.  He will trip over himself to schedule alone time with her.  It is unhealthy for any parent to make their children the center of their universe.  If you marry this kind of person, you will NEVER be first in his life.  And I do mean never.

10.  Mr. "Dates Other Women Who Mean Nothing To Him": This guy is really a commitment-phobe in disguise. Why does he need to date women who mean nothing to him if he is dating you and you supposedly mean something to him? You do the math. 

Robyn:  A guy who dates other women who mean nothing to him is including you in that statement.

What other types of men would you add to this list?

(c) 2013 Robyn M. Posson.  All Rights Reserved.