Pearls of wisdom in really cute shoes

Saturday, March 20, 3013

Step right up...



This blog is dedicated to sharing life lessons I've learned over the years, and my opinions about various topics that impact women of all ages...

...all with the intention to impart pearls of wisdom. 

Some pearls will be profound; others, not so much. 

I hope to give you some new pearls to ponder. 

Do I dare believe I could prevent you from making the mistakes I've made?

I invite your views, opinions, rants, thoughts, and your own pearls.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

It's February 11th!

When : Always February 11th

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day is in recognition that life can put us off course sometimes...throw a wrench into the works...places a huge mountain on our path.   It's a day to be optimistic, think positive, look on the bright side, and to find something good in everything that happens to us. 

Today is a day to recognize that s#!t happens, and when it does, don't waste your time and energy having a hissy-fit or getting angry.  Instead, take a positive attitude, find the hidden lesson and move on to something better.

(c) Copyright Robyn M. King 2014.  All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Wedding March of the Penguins

Years ago, on a sunny Sunday antiques outing with my father, we had a conversation that went like this:

Pop:  Your mother and I watched National Geographic last night.  It was about penguins.  Did you know that they mate for life, and they work together to raise their family?

Me:  No, I didn't know that.  Wow.  Didn't know any animals mated for life.

Pop:  Yeah, they do.  The male and female are like a team and they trade off taking care of the babies and each other.

Me:  Aww.  That's sweet.

[Insert long pause that led me to believe the discussion was over.]

Pop:  Miss (his nickname for me), I think it's time you found your penguin.  You've been alone long enough.  The kids are grown, and grandkids are coming.  It's time for you now.

Me:  [fighting back tears] Thanks, Pop.  You're right.

If you knew my father, you'd be amazed at the depth of thought, feeling and courage it took for him to have this conversation with his "little girl."  He rarely spoke about personal things; almost all of our conversations revolved around a TV show he saw, a carpentry project he started, or a treasure he found at a yard sale.  

Pop knew what he was talking about.  I was divorced at a very young age, with a toddler and an infant in tow, and I spent about 25 years raising them, putting myself through college and grad school, and starting a career.  I hadn't dated very much at all (didn't want the kids to get attached if it didn't work out), and I wanted to prove to myself that I could be a financially, emotionally and socially independent woman.  I decided that when and if I found a partner, it would be out of want and not out of need.

Long story short, I threw myself into the dating world...and met a lot of frogs.  A. LOT.  Went on first dates with some of them.  But on a beautiful, sunny, April afternoon, I met VK for an early supper.  He asked a lot of questions because he was interested in knowing more about me.  We shared common childhood experiences and laughed a lot.  We definitely clicked.  At the end of our date, VK leaned in and whispered, "I've had a wonderful time and I'd like to take you out again."  I said that I would love to, and in his excitement, VK gestured broadly and sent a full glass of ice water across the table and into my lap.  He took a small beverage napkin, began mopping up the tsunami and asked, "Did I get 'ya?"  I burst out laughing and so did he.  And after all that, I still went on that second date with him.  And a third.  Four years later, he still takes me out on a date every week.

I have found my penguin.  Aside from my father, VK is the best man I've ever known.  We are truly partners in every sense of the word.  We take care of each other.  We support each other.  We make each other laugh until we snort.  We accept each other as-is.  I've never been happier.  And even though my father no longer lives in his physical body, I know he's up there somewhere cheering for us and relieved that I took his advice.  For once.  (LOL) 

VK and I are getting married on the 4th of July, and I'm as excited and giddy as a young bride.  I get to wear a beautiful dress, he'll look handsome in his new black suit, and the ceremony and reception will be wonderful and memorable.  Our loved ones are over-the-moon excited for us and fully endorse the blending of our two wacky families.  Life is so damn good.

I hope you have found your penguin.  If not, please don't give up hope.  Keep the faith and keep looking.  If your search is out of want (and not out of need), then your penguin could be just around the corner, ready to partner with you for life. 

(c) Robyn M. Posson 2013. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

"Look like something when you go someplace."

The title above refers to one of my late father's many pearls of wisdom, and it would always make my brothers and I scratch our heads.  What did he mean by that?  He said it a lot.  A. lot.

When I got older, I came to understand that it was Pop's way of saying, "You look like a bum. Go change your clothes if you're leaving the house."  If Pop thought that my outfit was inappropriate for my age, he'd say so.  I hated that.  (What 14 year old wouldn't?)  But he knew what he was talking about.  He wanted me to be presentable in public because first impressions are difficult to change.  Presenting an accurate message about who you are is important. 

First impressions are lasting impressions. 

To prove my point, after doing empirical research about the power of what we wear and how others judge us, Prof. Karen Pine and colleagues conclude, "Clothes say a great deal about who we are and can signal our social status to others...People are judged on their overall head-to-toe appearance, and the fundamental role that [clothing] style plays in creating a positive first-impression cannot be underestimated." 

Amy Trowbridge agrees:  "Because of the symbolic nature of clothing, it is the message of the clothing that is reacted to rather than the actual clothing object."

What are her credentials?
Example:  I am bothered by the amount of cleavage I see every day at work.  Too many to count, but they're everywhere.  In my classroom, my office, the cafeteria, at committee meetings.  Thin little shirts cut down-to-there, sometimes with a camisole that does little to hide the decolletage.  It's pretty hard to miss and is quite distracting.  I often wonder if these young women believe that intentionally exposing themselves in this way is conveying an accurate portrayal of how they would like to be thought of, respected and treated.

I try not to judge how people dress.  Really I do.  I'm a staunch believer in self-expression.  But when did it become okay to show everything you've got in a public place?  What does choice of attire say about the woman who's wearing a low-cut shirt to campus or work?  Will she be taken seriously?  Is she conveying her exceptional math and science skills, critical analysis capabilities, or exemplary verbal and cognitive skills to win a debate when she's showing off the "girls?" 

Umm, probably not.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm grateful to live in a country where women can wear anything they please, but I also understand that there are acceptable standards of clothing in every social environment.  [Think evening gown to an elegant event, and not to the market.]  Heck, I sometimes wear low-cut shirts with a cami for color myself...but not to work or in any other professional capacity.  There's a time and place for what we wear.

In a perfect world, all women would celebrate and show off their confidence, intelligence and self-respect...and not "the girls."

Save the cleavage for clubbing and hanging out with friends.  It has no place on a college campus or work environment.  (Starting to sound like my mother.  Yikes.)

And when I am next confronted with yet another pair of breastisiz, I promise to bite my tongue and refrain from saying, "Look like something when you go someplace."

(c) 2013 Robyn M. Posson.  All Rights Reserved.

A league of your own

Tal Bachman

Let's get one thing straight. There is no such thing as being "out of someone's league."

If you believe in this imaginary hierarchy, then your own insecurities make you a not-so-great romantic prospect. Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing thought Baby was too good for him. Tal Bachman (above) sings about it.

No one wants to be around insecure people--except for other people who are equally or more insecure than you. Period.

Insecure people have insecure, unstable relationships. And taking a "let's wait and see" attitude will most likely lead to a missed opportunity to meet someone wonderful.

On the other hand, if you know you have some great qualities that a love-partner would appreciate, then pull up your Big Girl Panties or Big Boy Boxers and get crackin'.

If you’ve been crushing on someone lately, grow a backbone and strike up a conversation. For all you know, they consider you out of their league and are waiting for you to make the first move.

And if the worst thing that could happen is you being awkwardly friend-zoned or being shot down, I’d say it’s worth the risk. You gotta be in it to win it.

You are in league of your own. Find someone who wants to be in it with you.

(c)2013 Robyn M. Posson All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

I'm quoted!

I was recently interviewed for an article about how parents can help their unmarried adult children find love.

My knee-jerk reaction (in my head, anyway) was "Tell these parents to mind their own damn beeswax."

Of course, one simply cannot say such things for a national newspaper article, so I softened my response somewhat.  I think I got my point across. 

This link will take you to the article.  I'm interested what you think about the content. 

One more thing...it's SO freakin' cool to see your name in print.

(c) Robyn M. Posson 2013.  All Rights Reserved.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Nancy and Me

Photo:  Heather Meaney

Today, I had the once-in-a-lifetime pleasure to meet the Chancellor of the State University of New York, Dr. Nancy Zimpher.  She visited our campus to speak about SUNY's visions and the solid plans to execute them. 

Her name has been one on a short list of folks I've been eager to meet.

Imagine my surprise as I introduced myself to her, and she said, "Hi, I'm Nancy Zimpher."  "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Zimpher."  "Please...call me Nancy."

Whoa.  How great was that?

My mama always said that no matter what one's station in life, we all put our pants on one leg at a time.  But, hey...this is the Chancellor of SUNY.  And she wants me to call her Nancy.  

I spoke with Nancy for a few minutes on a topic about which I'm most passionate, and it was nice to learn we share that passion.  She asked me questions and was interested in what I had to say.  She even offered to help me pursue a work-related vision:  "Let me know what I can do to make this happen." 

I realize that I am only one of tens of thousands of SUNY employees and students she meets each year, but for that brief period of time, Nancy and I exchanged in meaningful discourse, and I am over-the-moon grateful for that opportunity.  I feel validated, appreciated and heard.

And as for her sincere offer to help?  I will most definitely take her up on it.

The way I see it...her actions speak volumes.  It's obvious that she considers herself as one of us on the SUNY team, and isn't tied to impressive titles or positions.  She treats people with kindness and respect, and makes them feel as important as she is.  Nancy Zimpher is a dynamic, passionate, down-to-earth and gracious leader, indeed.

QUESTION:  Have you ever met anyone famous or influential?  How did it go?

(c) 2013 Robyn M. Posson.  All Rights Reserved.